Thursday, August 6, 2009

Bald-Headed Avengers

I like the fact that the three biggest names of this weekend's MMA events (UFC 101, WEC 42) have interesting hairstyles.

Miguel Torres, the badass from East Chicago, has a mullet and always shows up to fight.

BJ Penn and Anderson Silva are bald, and as I predicted in my preview of this weekend's mega fights, the two will come out with a vengeance after lackluster performances.

They will thus become immortalized as The Bald-Headed Avengers.

CULVER CITY, CA - MAY 30:  (L-R) Actors Natalie Martinez and Jason Statham present the 'Most Dangerous Man' to UFC fighter Anderson Silva onstage during the taping of Spike TV's 2nd Annual 'Guys Choice' Awards held at Sony Studios on May 30, 2008 in Culver City, California.  The show airs on June 22, 2008 at 10PM ET/PT on Spike TV.  (Photo by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images)

I'm not bald, but bald can be beautiful, as long as you forego the combover or wig. If you crop your hair or shave it all off, then women may even find it sexy.

Besides Penn and Silva, some cool bald-headed luminaries include Michael Jordan, Charles Barkley, Dana White, Samuel L. Jackson, Ben Kingsley and my old basketball coach Izzi Metz.

Baldness need not be a handicap. In fact, it should not be.

Because baldness is a cosmetic condition - not a disease.

If cripples can master deadly kung fu in three years and strike down upon their enemies with great vengeance and furious anger, then you should never get down on yourself just because you're bald.

The handicapped from Crippled Avengers (one of the greatest kung fu movies ever) are what Masta Killa from the Wu-Tang Clan referred to as the "dumb, deaf(-mute) and blind" - as well as those without legs or arms.

The Crippled Avengers needed devices like invincible prosthetic limbs and mirrors as well as skills like sensitive hearing, tactile language and teamwork in order to get their revenge.

The bald need only a razor, hair trimmer, shaving cream and mirror to get the job done.

So while I'm not saying that BJ Penn and Anderson Silva wouldn't respectively kick Kenny Florian and Forrest Griffin's asses anyway, their aerodynamic chrome domes may enhance their kung fu.


  1. Crippled avengers has just been added to my netflix queue. Looks amazing.

  2. As I said, one of the greatest kung fu movies ever.

    People don't realize how artistic and theatric these movies are. They aren't just chop socky.


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