Monday, June 8, 2009

Sexy Piece of Ass

* Credit for photos used in this piece go to Hombre, via Foro De Mujeres Famosas Argentinas.

Amazing Argentine Ass of Maribel Fernandez
Amazing Argentine Ass of Maribel Fernandez


"Sports Guy" Bill Simmons, one of my favorite sportswriters, said recently about beloved Boston Red Sox first baseman "Big Papi" David Ortiz's decline :

Beefy sluggers are like porn stars, wrestlers, NBA centers and trophy wives: When it goes, it goes. You know right away.

Well, this isn't about porn stars or wrestlers or NBA centers or trophy wives. This is about the decline of some of the most exciting fighters in MMA, the sport's sexy pieces of ass.

In particular, this is about how this weekend's Strikeforce and WEC events were metaphors for the end of the eras of several trophy wives of MMA that provided thrills to MMA fans for the last few years.




For three years, Urijah Faber was one of the more recognizable faces of MMA, dominating his peers with 13 straight wins. He was the face - and future - of WEC.

His rabbit-out-of-the-hat moves, relentless pressure and flashy personality made him a world class fighter who was as celebrity as a featherweight mixed martial artist could get.

Then, it's no surprise that even after getting dropped and pummeled by Mike Brown at WEC 36, Zuffa decided to give Faber the benefit of the doubt.

They went ahead with his rematch against Jens Pulver, although both were demolished at the same event. The company also promoted Faber-Brown 2 via a Urijah-oriented campaign, although it was Brown who had looked impressive in his title reign.

It's all good. Zuffa made the right decision. In spite of his second loss in a row to Mike Brown, in which Brown dominated the high-kicking, back-turning California Kid with his methodical boxing, high guard, clinch- and mount-punching, Urijah Faber is a world class fighter who is not washed up.

Due to the foundation he has laid down over the years, as long as he can beat guys like Jose Aldo and Leonard Garcia, Faber will stay in the hunt. Hell, I'd even like to see him in catchweight fights against explosive fighters like Miguel Torres or Clay Guida.

It's just that Urijah Faber's reign as top dog of the WEC and MMA's featherweight division is officially over.

It's just that if the foreplay-sex-cuddle Mike Brown couldn't answer his porno flick audition judges' doubts even after he convincingly defended his title against Leonard Garcia, he left no doubt as to his manhood by unanimously decisioning the porn star-esque Faber in their rematch.






It's really sad to see a fighter go. In other sports, a washed up athlete just stinks. In combat sports, he gets brutally knocked out or beaten down.

To a man, to get his ass kicked by another is the ultimate blow to his ego - and perhaps that's why a downed fighter continues to fight to regain lost glory. Although it becomes clear he must retire, he continues to fight, subjecting himself to a vicious cycle of beatdowns, damaged pride and dead brain cells.

After what happened to them at Strikeforce on Saturday night, I would advise Andrei Arlovski and Scott Smith to get out of the fight game at their earliest convenience.

I thought Arlovski would put his boxing training under the tutelage of Freddie Roach and Michael Moorer to good use, but he just stood in front of Brett Rogers, neither jabbing nor sidestepping. All Arlovski's weak low kick did was piss off Rogers to the point where The Grim wanted to rip The Pitbull's head off, which he did in 22 seconds.

Scott Smith's gutsy way of fighting looks sexy on TV, but as he found out once again against Nick Diaz, it doesn't do any good for his career or senses.

With a Roy Jones-like stance Nick Diaz picked Smith apart on his feet, teeing off on his head with jabs and body with shovel hooks. One third-round body shot in particular dropped Smith, setting up Diaz's fight-ending rear naked choke.

As Andrei Arlovski and Scott Smith found out, flashy power and trading blows make fighters popular, but in the end, coming up short on the guile department is a surefire career path to becoming trophy wives : spouses who're treasured mostly for their sexy asses.



Te quiero, papi.

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